dream from august 5th 2009

i was in a cold dark room, like most of my dreams. but this dream felt more serious for some reason. i was on the floor tied to a metal pole with a metal chain. the concrete floor felt damp and for some reason i was aware that i was in the center of a maze of hallways. the dream kept cutting between third person perspective (like i was watching myself) and aerial view (from above looking over the whole landscape. In the aerial view i could see the maze extending past the horizon. The sky was black and red...like neon red.

I watched myself there and suddenly the concrete floor and walls started to crack. it felt like this was a result of my emotions penetrating the environment. that my heart was breaking so much that the walls around me and the floor beneath me also began to break. i began to scream for him. "XXXXX" it was painful to watch. the word came out full of anxiety, sadness, hopelessness, desperation, pain....and even some hope. i watched myself scream like this for hours.

this next part i can't remember so well but he did appear in my dream. his body was flickering like a hologram and i could only see him when the dream was from an aerial perspective. i could see him flickering up and down the hallways of the maze trying to get to me. it seemed like he could hear me but did not know how to get to me. he wanted to find me and tried very hard for miles and miles of concrete hallways. i continued to scream and call him and the walls continued to break down. it was as if my need to see him was strong enough to tear down a landscape of concrete walls and as if his existence was temporary and unstable and incapable of calling back to me.

after hours of this. he gave up looking and sat down in the maze defeated. what he did not realize that just on the other side of that wall...i was there. and the worst part was that just at the moment he sat down i became exhausted and stopped screaming. if i had called his name one more time i am sure that wall would have fell, and that we would have seen each other. but i didn't. and we didn't. and we were left there, the closest we had ever been to one another but still divided by a concrete barrier.

then i woke up and i felt like i had to talk to him immediately. this was when i was unable to reach him and i couldn't help but feel like his dream was actually showing me our reality in this moment. i was calling him and there was no response. he was just not there. and to be honest, i really don't care what the reason was even though i am sure it was a good one.